Last week was tough. The baby was still getting over a cold and not sleeping. The toddler was having lots of big feelings, as three year olds do. Our nanny was out sick (she is truly amazing and we are so fortunate to have her help). We had zero childcare, which meant schedules had to be rearranged, meetings canceled and projects postponed.
By the time Friday finally came around, I was left with an untouched to-do list, exhaustion and feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration. Surrender. This word kept popping up in my head over and over again. I had just listened to a podcast with two moms talking about surrendering to motherhood. Surrendering to the days when our kids are sick or nothing has gone as planned. Letting go of what we cannot control in order to focus on the good. Their message was hitting me hard.
This season of life is exhausting. The days are long. Toddlers are frustrating. Babies don’t sleep and neither do you. But it is also so fleeting. I know all to well from my first-born that babies don’t keep. So I began to ask myself, “What do I need to let go of to allow myself to enjoy this season of life for what it is?” “How can I practice surrendering?”
Radical Acceptance.
Radical Acceptance is letting go of the shoulds, the judgments, the need to control and fix. It is releasing yourself from the attachment to pain as a means to reduce suffering. A beautiful surrender.
Let’s talk more about Radical Acceptance:
The What:
- Concept of accepting situations and circumstances beyond our control and without judgment in order to reduce suffering
- Letting go of our need to control, judge or wish things were different
- We cannot change the facts of a situation but we can choose how we think about it and how respond to it
The Why:
- Fighting against how we are feeling is what leads to suffering
- Our feelings do not directly cause suffering, instead it is our attachment to them that does
The How:
- Begin to increase your awareness of when you are engaging in non-acceptance – What are you telling yourself you should be doing? Where are you stuck thinking things aren’t fair? What are you wishing were different?
- Separate out what is inside your control and what is outside of your control
- Tune into your feelings. Acknowledge them. Name them.
- Sit with the discomfort. Remember that feelings come and go. Ride the waves until it is calm again.
- Recite your coping statements – I accept that I cannot always be as productive as I was before littles. I will shift my focus to soaking up the toddler giggles and baby cuddles. They will not always need me this much.
- Focus on taking action on the things you can control
This week I am focusing on surrendering – allowing myself to slow down, enjoy the sweet moments and let go of the guilt.
– Hilary
