You’re trying to make dinner. The baby’s crying. The toddler’s whining for a snack. Someone just spilled milk again. You can feel your heart start to race, your chest tighten, and your brain scream, “I can’t take this right now!”

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I handle this better?”, take a deep breath — because the truth is:

You’re not weak. You’re not overreacting. You’re human.

Your nervous system is responding exactly as it was designed to. And in the chaos of motherhood — especially with constant noise, demands, and interruptions — it makes perfect sense that you feel anxious, snappy, or on edge.

Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken — It’s Overwhelmed

Here’s what’s happening under the surface.

When you hear screaming, fighting, or a baby’s cry, your body interprets that as a threat signal. Your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala) activates, flooding your body with stress hormones. That “fight-or-flight” response is your nervous system’s way of protecting you and your children.

In the wild, that response helped humans keep their babies alive.

In your kitchen, it just feels awful.

You might notice:

• Your heart pounding
• Feeling shaky or hot
• Snapping at your kids before you mean to
• Feeling guilty or ashamed afterward

This is what a dysregulated nervous system looks like — but “dysregulated” doesn’t mean broken. It means overloaded. Your body hasn’t had enough time or space to come down from constant activation.

Why This Feels Worse for Moms

Most moms are running on minimal rest and constant alertness. Even when you finally sit down, your mind is scanning for the next cry, argument, or need. That constant vigilance keeps your nervous system in a semi-activated state — like an engine that never cools off.

So when the noise hits, you’re not starting from calm; you’re already halfway to overwhelm.

Of course it feels like too much. Of course it feels impossible to stay zen in that moment.

You Can’t Eliminate the Chaos — But You Can Support Your System

You don’t have to meditate on a mountaintop to find relief. Here are small, practical ways to help your body and mind ride the waves of family chaos without crashing.

1. First, remind yourself: “This makes sense.”

That single sentence can interrupt the shame spiral.

Your body is trying to keep you safe, not sabotage you. Naming it helps shift you from reactivity to awareness.

2. Give your body a physical outlet.

When the noise hits and you feel that surge, try:

• Exhaling loudly through your mouth (a long sigh tells your body the danger is over)
• Shaking out your hands, rolling your shoulders, or stomping your feet for 10 seconds
• Walking to another room for a few deep breaths if it’s safe to do so

You’re helping your nervous system discharge that built-up energy instead of storing it.

3. Lower the sensory load when you can.

If everyone’s melting down, turn down one source of stimulation — the TV, the lights, or even step outside for fresh air for a minute. Reducing sensory input gives your system a chance to reset.

4. Use grounding cues that anchor you to safety.

Try pressing your feet into the floor, feeling your body’s weight, noticing something steady in your environment (like the wall or your breath).

Tell yourself: “I’m safe, even though this is loud.”

5. Build micro-moments of regulation throughout the day.

Every small pause helps.

• Sip water slowly.
• Step outside and feel the air.
• Stretch your arms overhead.
  These 30-second resets help prevent full-blown overwhelm later.

6. Let connection help regulate you.

Co-regulation is real. A supportive partner, a calm friend, even a therapist can lend their calm to your nervous system. That’s part of why therapy works — your body learns what “safe” feels like again.

When You Notice It’s Becoming Too Much

If you’re finding that your anxiety or irritability feels constant, or you’re starting to dread the day before it starts, that’s your body’s way of saying it needs deeper repair and support.

Therapy can help you learn how to work with your nervous system, not against it — so you can show up to your life (and your kids) from a place of steadiness rather than survival.

If you’re a mom in the Denver or Los Angeles area, I’d love to help you find that calm again. I work with moms in-person at my office in Denver and online throughout Colorado and California.

Schedule a free 20-minute consultation here.

Written by Hilary Goulding, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in infertility, pregnancy/postpartum and motherhood in Denver, CO and Los Angeles, CA.